“Oh My Stars” Moments
I had an “Oh my stars! I had cancer!” moment today, and there is a heaviness that lingers. It’s hard to even explain all the things that flit through my mind during these times. The memories of the fears wash over me, the joy of God’s strength in this trial, the overwhelming encouragement of our friends and family, the pain of change, the peace of trust.
It has been over a week since my last radiation treatment, and the burning continues to intensify. I am not sleeping well because I cannot find a comfortable position. Under my arm feels as if someone took a hot iron to my skin, and I can find no relief. The lethargy of inactivity has set into my body, and my muscles are weak and atrophied. My fingernails continue to wither from the chemo, and I have three nails that are pulling away and ready to come off. These, among other things, are the constant reminders that this trial is not over.
I become more convinced every day of my total inability and my need to surrender every part of my life and my being to God’s perfect control. He makes no mistakes. And the more I see my inability, the more I find myself leaning on Him. And the more I lean on Him, the more stable my life becomes. And the more I see His stability, the more I see His glory.
Martin Luther writes,
I have held many things in my hands and I have lost them all. But whatever I place in God’s hands, that I still possess.
My life is in His hands, and while it has been an “Oh my stars! I had cancer!” life for these past months, I still possess a life. Beyond that, I possess an eternal life in Him. I am clinging to that. To God ALONE be the glory!
(Please do continue to pray. Although the worst is over as far as treatment is concerned, there is a long road of healing left in front of me. In so many ways.)
Judie Young said:
My precious sister,
No matter where we are in life, we are inadequate to do anything of ourselves. He wants the power to be seen that it is only from and not ourselves. We can state with David that we will not involve ourselves in matters too great for us. The more that we enter into His appointed trials, the greater our weakness consumes us then the more we see what the gift of inadequacy (His grace) teaches us to glory in our weakness that we will see His power working. We are His workmanship created in Christ for good works. Let’s bow down before Him and thank Him with all our being for disarming us of our own efforts so that we will see His greatness.
May His grace, mercy and peace be multiplied to you in fullest measure my dear one. Christ is being formed in us, let’s rejoice that we are partakers of His divine nature. May the steps He has ordered for us today be steps that we see Him as our only hope.
Praise be to God. I am a running the race with you. Let’s win Christ and be found in Him with not a righteousness derived from the law but on the basis of faith. Hearing and hearing His word. Let’s take the kingdom by our weakness and dependency on Him.
In His love to you,
Judie
Chanley said:
I will continue to pray, Ang, and I just thought of you recently and prayed. I could so be in your shoes with my Mom & Grandmother both experiencing breast cancer! So I can relate a little. God is gracious to keep it from me and I just recalled to memory our own sweet Margaret (Hicks) VanNostrand from our church who God called home after a serious ’bout with cancer but then there are those like my Mom who God brought through it and seems are extending their lives. I pray it be so with you! To God alone be glory!
Chanley