The Glory of it All

“One of the most important lessons I have learned over the past few years is how important it is to have time and space for being with what’s real in my life — to celebrate the joys, grieve the losses, shed my tears, sit with the questions, feel my anger, attend to my loneliness.”

Ruth Haley Barton, Sacred Rhythms

There is so much I want to say, so many joys to express, so much grief to share, so many tears to weep, so many questions to ask, and occasionally there is anger in it all, and often there is this burning loneliness knowing I am the only one who fully bears and understands all I walk through. I am learning to accept it all, to sit with it all, to be real with it all…

Simple Gifts

This morning as I sat on the front porch waving to Brian and the kids as they pulled away from our home, my eyes filled. They opened the back window of the truck and yelled, “I love you! Bye!” over and over, and I watched them until they were out of sight. I looked around from my vantage point at the frosted railroad ties and the old train station. Our neighbor, Frank’s, cats frolicked in the road, and contentment washed over me.

I don’t cry much anymore when they leave, but this morning, it hit me. We have so much. So very much.

Last night…

When I was undergoing chemotherapy, Brian wrote on my blog, “Recently I watched Angie break down in tears when a friend suggested they go to a concert after she’s recovered… the thought of actually having a life again after all of this was overwhelming.

That was four years ago.

Last night…

I went to a concert.

November Gratitude: Protection

The children love to climb the ladder to our attic and explore. I needed a few things so I asked for their help, happy to incude them in our daily tasks. The boys were up top grabbing the items we needed and handing them down to me. Bella-girl stood on the ladder with me behind her holding her so she wouldn’t fall. She began climbing down, and one of the boys began moving things back into place, finishing their job and not seeing what was coming…

“Don’t! Don’t! Don’t!” I heard the other boy shouting, insistently, almost fearfully.

November Gratitude: Merry Folk in Masquerade

A gypsy fire is on the hearth,
Sign of the carnival of mirth;
Through the dun fields and from the glade
Flash merry folk in masquerade,
For this is Hallowe’en!
~Author Unknown

As you can imagine, there aren’t many places to go in our little country community for trick-or-treating fun, so we loaded up the kids and spent the evening with friends at their home downtown.

There they were, 4 boys of approximate age and 2 girls of approximate age walking down streets with their dads. She was inside carving a pumpkin and preparing chili for when they returned, and I got to sit outside on their porch and watch the festivities, passing out candy and guessing what costumes the children were wearing.