He came to me, voice quavering, this boy who wears his heart on his sleeve. He was hurting because of words. Words spoken by friends. He shuddered and sighed, “Mom, they say that girls rule and boys drool. That’s not true, Mom. That’s not true.”
Oh, my boy.
I hid my smile, remembering the days of cooties and “hating boys”. His innocence slays me. He just doesn’t think that way, and it made my heart ache to hear him hurting.
How do I do this?
This parenting thing.
He lost another tooth this week, and our dragon loving Bear was nicknamed, Toothless. One of his favorite movies is How to Train Your Dragon, so it was a fitting title for so noble a Bear.
He grinned at me and talked of the Tooth Fairy and his anticipated dollar.
I shook my head, trying to look mournful, “The Tooth Fairy has had some economic setbacks, Toothless. I think you’ll only get a nickel this time.”
His eyes sparkled and his dimples flashed, but he said with a touch of hesitation, “No-ho, Mom. You’re kidding, right?!” He half asked, half stated that last part.
…my Ash is ten.
So this morning I told Ash that part of the manhood ritual of turning 10 was a name change and we were changing his name to Ishbosheth. We will call him Ish instead of Ash from now on. He wasn’t buying it. He ducked his head, hair falling over his eyes, and smiled a half smile and shook his head at me.
Wait a minute.
Ten?
TEN?
Ten years ago I held my firstborn in my arms and wept. Brian held him and looked at him closely, “He looks like an Asher, doesn’t he?” Oh, yes, he is definitely an Asher.
Tomorrow we are having Bear’s birthday party. He’s having a joint party with a friend who is 11 days younger than him, and it has been one of the primary topics of discussion for the week. Even now, as the boys head up to their room to get ready for bed they are scheming.
I love listening to them. Their boyish chatter as they plan and talk and prepare. My Ash is just as excited for the party as Bear is, and their camaraderie abounds today. I watched them work together today as they bought football cards and divided them between them, then work together on Wii Clone Wars to beat the level.
The sticky notes are all different colors–royal blue, goldenrod, bright orange–but they all say the same thing.
I love you, Mom, so so so so so so much.
They appear on my pillow, my mirror, my computer, and sometimes he just walks right up to me and sticks one on my shirt.
My Bear.
His gentle and peaceful ways touch my soul, and especially when my life and heart feel so chaotic these days, his tenderness is a much needed balm. He has no idea how he reaches me, and every time I see those dimples, my heart just about explodes.