Finding the time to sit down and write this week has not been a problem for me; rather, I have struggled with finding ways to describe the events of the week. Nothing life changing or monumental in the eyes of the world, but for Brian and me, Asher’s adventures this week have begun a new chapter in our home. Not only has Asher shown an uncanny awareness of life around him, he has begun to respond to us in ways that show his personality and his spirit. I find myself wondering if I’m ready for this; for it seems my little boy is growing up before my very eyes.

After months of feeling silly for teaching something over and over with no response, and questioning if we were wasting our time, it all came to fruition this week.

Whenever Asher plays with his shape ball, he must always find the circle first, and he turns the ball over and over to find where it goes. He tentatively holds it in the hole as far as his hand will reach in; however, he is always hesitant to let go of it knowing he can’t get it back. When he finally does release the shape, he immediately finds Brian or me and holds up the ball and “screams” (his way of letting us know he wants it back out). On this particular day, Asher had actually put in four shapes before it was time to retrieve them.

Asher’s scream called my attention away from the letter I was writing, and I saw my little boy holding up his shape ball and grinning at me. As I stood to come help him, I said, “What do you say?” In the corner of my mind the questions again began to stir. “Why do you always ask him that? Like he’s really going to answer you.” You can only imagine my shock and delight, when Asher put his hand on his chest and signed “please” to me. I called to Brian right away, “Did you see that?!”. Asher did it over and over again delighting in the attention from his parents and the praise we showered on him. After what seemed like hours of enjoying Asher’s new way of communicating, I finally removed the shapes from his ball, and we went on with life as usual. But something was different…life had just changed for us.

That was only the beginning. Throughout the week, it was like light bulbs were clicking on inside Asher’s head, and I would find him responding to my questions or obeying my commands in ways he had never done before. The day I found him sitting in front of the refrigerator signing “please” was the clincher…he was ready for lunch. Anytime I would say “let’s go do this” or “are you ready to…?”, he would excitiedly crawl to his destination and wait for me. Brian and I just kept looking at each other…he knows…he really knows what we”re saying!

Then Thursday night came. I had finished cleaning up the dishes from supper, and Brian was in the living room playing catch with Asher. I came in and met them on the floor, ready for our evening family time together, and Asher decided that it would be great fun to crawl back and forth between Mommy & Daddy…only Daddy decided to get him up on his feet and have him walk between us. Once he was standing, Brian let go of his hands. I don’t know who was more excited and surprised, Asher or us, when he suddenly stepped falteringly forward…one step…two steps…and then dove into my arms. Brian and I just looked at each other in amazement. Was it real? Had he just walked on his own? My eyes immediately began to fill with tears. In those two timid steps, Asher had just taken another huge step in life.

It’s a feeling I can’t even begin to describe….excitement at his abilities, awe at the way it all just seems to happen, yet at the same time, there is an ache in my heart realizing that my baby is becoming a little boy, and that we’re about to leave snuggle times and nighttime feedings behind as we encounter a new world of walking, running and independence. A world where he won’t need my hands to hold his as he walks…where he is coming into his own. It has all come crashing into my soul as I realize this is what motherhood is all about….letting go. And so I again hold my baby…my little boy with open hands as I have from the first, dedicating each new step to God and praying that Asher will run into God’s arms and find His life there…depending on Him, not me and not his own abilities to get through the world that awaits his little walking feet.