It’s been one of those weeks, or rather months, or rather summers… where the grief hits like a tsunami and leaves me rolling and careening and gasping for breath as I try to comprehend what is happening around me in the lives of my loved ones and friends. Deaths, cancers, depression, loneliness, suffering, loss, surgeries, pain… every week there is a phone call that sends me reeling, and they are reeling and rolling and careening and gasping far worse than I.
All the way my Savior leads me,
Oh, the fullness of His love!
Perfect rest to me is promised
In my Father’s house above.
When my spirit, clothed immortal,
Wings its flight to realms of day
This my song through endless ages:
Jesus led me all the way.(Fanny J. Crosby)
From Selah’s song, Glory…
One day voices that lie will all be silent
One day all that’s divided will be whole again
One day death will retreat and wave it’s white flag
One day love will defeat the strongest enemy
So we wait for that one day come quicklyWe want to see your Glory
Every knee falls down before thee
Every tongue offers you praise
With every hand raised
Singing Glory
To you and unto you only
We’ll sing Glory to Your nameWe know not the day or the hour
Or the moments in between
But we know the end of the story
When we’ll see
I sat with my boys breathing in the beautiful smell of sweat and dirt and grass. Summer boys, I call them. We talked about star-gazing, and I read them one of my favorite quotes about the stars.
Ash watched me leaf through my journal to find the quote. Ever the thoughtful one, he asked me about it–what I write in it. We talked about how it’s a place I share my heart, my life. He got it. (I just love that he gets it!)
This need to put my heart somewhere because if I keep it all inside I might burst.
There are still boxes to be unpacked.
There are empty walls and unhung pictures.
The product of remodeling and my health setbacks,
not to mention my complete paralysis when it comes to decorating.
Some days it bothers me that we’re not put together yet.
But today it doesn’t.
Because it is home.
It is us.