A Spring of Joy

“If, as Herod, we fill our lives with things, and again with things; if we consider ourselves so unimportant that we must fill every moment of our lives with action, when will we have the time to make the long, slow journey across the desert as did the Magi? Or sit and watch the stars as did the shepherds? Or brood over the coming of the child as did Mary? For each of us, there is a desert to travel. A star to discover. And a being within ourselves to bring to life.” Author Unknown

…discovers no mercies; but let the thankful heart sweep through the day and, as the magnet finds the iron, so it will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings!
~Henry Ward Beecher

So I continue on my quest to find the blessings in every day, in every hour.

228. Curling up by warm heaters on cold mornings.

229. Crisp fall nights filled with the scent of woodsmoke.

230. Seeing my breath in frigid air. Life.

231. Dramatic expressions from big brown eyes.

232. Dancing in the kitchen. (Our favorite dancing song? We Built This City On Rock & Roll)

(As you read this, please take the time to blow away the chaff of my scattered mind and find the grain of my heart.)

Over the past few days I’ve had several people ask, “What do you need?” I’ve thought a lot about the answer to that question, and the practical, black and white, type-A in me wants to make my list of things. Well, let’s see… I’ll need help with childcare… meals… anything else?

We interrupt the weariness to share these important laughter moments.

Bear.

Need I say more? The constant flow of words like lovely, fascinating, amazing and gorgeous which pours from his four-year-old mouth are enough to keep me in stitches, but there’s more… oh, how there is more.

One day sitting at breakfast, he stopped, looked at me wide-eyed and said, “MOM, let’s pretend ALL. DAY. LONG.”

Okay. Sound good. What do you want to pretend?

… and (deep sigh) looks like it’s cancer again. I will have surgery on December 5th for them to remove some residual thyroid tissue (from my thyroidectomy 11 years ago) and remove the enlarged lymph nodes. It’s a 2 1/2 - 3 week recovery period, then after the holidays we’ll look at follow-up treatment.

The follow-up treatment consists of scans and radioactive iodine treatment. Probably take a month or so. Thankfully, no chemo.

One of my favorite hymns growing up was “Father I Know That All My Life”. I think one of my reasons for liking it was because it was a favorite of my “second mom”, Emma. As I’ve gotten older and walked through my own wildernesses, it has become dear to me for other reasons. It’s a song of petition. It’s a song of contentment. It’s a song of strength. It’s a song of childlike faith. It’s a song of promise.

It has been a rough week as I am broken more and more. A friend encouraged me to run to Christ in my brokenness and worship because of the beauty of grace and forgiveness. He was so right.

I am calling out to Him daily as I walk through this fire. I want to be broken. I want the dross burned away. But I don’t like the pain that comes with that burning. As I have turned in my brokenness to the cross, this is one of the songs He has used this week to convict, encourage and point me back to Himself.

They sat in the chair next to me in the cancer center yesterday. She was dressed in blue from her polyester skirt to her wig of blue-gray hair. His walk was slow, stoop-shouldered and weary; his bald head bent down. The blood pressure cuff on her arm buzzed and hissed every few minutes while she was monitored through her treatment. He tucked her warm blanket around her now and then, ministering care to her whenever he saw need.

I am weary tonight, so this will be quick and possibly very raw. My biopsy was this morning, and basically the only thing to say is, “I’m glad it’s over.” The pain during the procedure is excruciating… there’s really only so much numbing they can do to protect from a four-inch needle in your neck. Twice. I almost passed out the first time. There is minimal swelling, some bruising, and a lot of pain tonight. So I am unable to sleep… even though that’s all I really want to do.

There are places in our hearts, broad places of rest and fullness, that cannot exist unless we live through periods of darkness. In the darkness we can be assured that God will be our Comforter in His way and His time, and we can be sure that He is at work to make something beautiful of our souls.

(from Sally Breedlove’s Choosing Rest)

Continuing to cling and believing He will do something beautiful.