A Spring of Joy

Honestly, I’m not a big Valentine’s Day person. It’s a nice enough day for the masses who are convinced by the card companies and the chocolate-heart manufacturers and the florists who raise their prices exorbitantly. Trust me, I’m an incurable romantic at heart, but I’d much rather Brian surprise me with a dozen roses on a day when it’s not expected of him. Give me dinner out on a night when I don’t have to wait 2 hours for a table. And also trust me when I say that especially after the last 6 months, I don’t need Valentine’s Day to show me how much Brian loves me.

I read a blog by Shaun Groves today and if you’re in the need of a little perspective, (and face it, who isn’t in need of perspective?) then y’all need to read this blog. You seriously HAVE to read his blog (or as he refers to it, his shlog). And when you’re done, think and pray about “simplifiying your life so that others can simply live.”

Today I have another doctor appointment, this time with my opthamologist (and I haven’t even filled y’all in on my meeting with the radiation oncologist). It seems like my life is full of appointments these days as my treatment team fills in my schedule for me each week. I have struggled through the lack of control, the feeling that my world is reeling, spinning into chaos. Today I called and scheduled my own appointment, and it felt good. What doesn’t feel good is why I had to call. My eyes are tearing and watering constantly, swollen eyelids, no eyelashes to help protect them, and they ache constantly.

Ash: (deep sigh) Mom, I wish wishes came true.

Me: (pulling him tight) Why’s that, buddy?

Ash: (head down against me) ’cause I wish you were all better.

Sadness.