A Spring of Joy

…watching your 18-month old daughter get her first (and hopefully last) cast on her broken arm.

Audrey pulled a pillow out from underneath herself while she was sitting on the couch this morning. This promptly rolled her off the couch, into the coffee table and onto her arm. I called the doctor, got an appointment, and after 4 agonizing hours of watching her cry and scream almost every time she used her arm, we went to see him. The verdict was pretty clear on her x-rays. She has a buckle fracture in her arm. Both bones… not just one… so she did herself in pretty well. She did great getting the cast on, and is feeling much better now that her arm is immobilized. In fact, she is quite happy that she finally has a weapon to use against her brothers. Three and a half weeks, baby… don’t mess with Audrey!

Every evening there is a ritual in our home. Hearing the healthy purr of Brian’s Jeep, Audrey will drop whatever she’s doing, race to the sliding glass door, scream at the top of her lungs and beat on the glass. She calls to me, points out the window and claps her hands. Daddy is home! Audrey will watch Brian every step of his way to our door. She waits until he leaves his truck, then runs to the window by the steps to watch him walk up… screaming all the time. When Daddy is no longer in sight, Audrey will run to the door and wait for the knob to turn. As soon as it does, the screaming commences again, and Audrey is swept up in a huge bear hug when Brian enters.

…falling asleep after a big plate of pasta. I love my Italian roots!

Micah has given us so much laughter this week. He has hit that age where he says the funniest things. Living in Micah’s world is always an adventure. Here are some of his latest…

Supper one night, pushing carrots around on his plate, “Awwww, I wish carrots never grew.”

His word mix-ups: He eats “p putter and jelly”, looks through “binocweurs”, and helps Mommy’s germ warfare by using “hanitizer” (that’s hand sanitizer).

Downing his milk for supper: “When I drink this, it’s going to go down and break all my bones!”

I am a morning person. Unfortunately for me, chemo doesn’t allow me to be. Brian is not a morning person. Unfortunately for him, chemo requires he be one.

This past week has been hard on us both in the mornings. When Audrey’s tiny “Momeeee” wails through the baby monitor, Brian, feeling pretty rough just because of the fact it is morning (he claims it’s not morning if it’s still dark outside), has to get up. That, in itself, is a feat for him. Then he has to change Audrey, get her juice, and get her settled. Thankfully, she’s a snuggler, and she will curl up in Bri’s arms with us for a few minutes before erupting into her day. The boys wake and the quiet morning becomes chaos.

Today marked the one week point since my first treatment. I went back for labwork, and everything looks good. My symptoms are minimal other than bone-deadening fatigue at times. And I am thankful.

Every time I walk into the cancer center it is like a punch in the face or the stomach; I haven’t decided which. There is so much sadness in that waiting area. So many older people who look as if they have no reason to go on. They are tired, they are gray, they are weak. I struggle because, in my mind, I don’t belong here. I am young, I am vibrant, I am strong. And I realize that as my chemo progresses, I will become more tired, more gray, and more weak… I cannot bear the looks of pity and sometimes shock that radiate across people’s faces when I walk into the lobby and sit. Reality is not easy to grasp sometimes.

Today I go in for my first chemo treatment. I can’t even begin to explain how surreal this all feels. It’s overwhelming and scary and big and ugly, but God has given me so much peace this morning. I slept well last night, and he brought to mind songs and verses this morning as soon as I woke up. I know this is because so many of you have been praying, and I can’t tell you how much that encourages me. God is answering those prayers!

There is no question as to where our loyalties lie. Asher has already declared he is going to be a wide receiver for the JMU Dukes and Micah wants to wave the flags in the band. Fortunately, he changed his mind and wants to play trumpet instead, “because it’s loud.” Audrey, of course, will only be loyal to JMU from home, because Brian has decided she will never leave the house once she’s a teenager.

Go Dukes!

I think we took 550 pictures while we were at the beach, so narrowing it down to my favorites was quite hard. Instead, I grabbed a few (well, 9 actually–be sure to read the full post to see them all) I felt captured a bit of the week… I’m ready to go back!

Just one of the many reasons I love my husband…