And Just Like That…

…my Ash is ten.

So this morning I told Ash that part of the manhood ritual of turning 10 was a name change and we were changing his name to Ishbosheth. We will call him Ish instead of Ash from now on. He wasn’t buying it. He ducked his head, hair falling over his eyes, and smiled a half smile and shook his head at me.

Wait a minute.

Ten?

TEN?

Ten years ago I held my firstborn in my arms and wept. Brian held him and looked at him closely, “He looks like an Asher, doesn’t he?” Oh, yes, he is definitely an Asher.

Brothers…Friends

Tomorrow we are having Bear’s birthday party. He’s having a joint party with a friend who is 11 days younger than him, and it has been one of the primary topics of discussion for the week. Even now, as the boys head up to their room to get ready for bed they are scheming.

I love listening to them. Their boyish chatter as they plan and talk and prepare. My Ash is just as excited for the party as Bear is, and their camaraderie abounds today. I watched them work together today as they bought football cards and divided them between them, then work together on Wii Clone Wars to beat the level.

GOOOOOOAAAAAALLLLLL!

The night before last I had a dream.

I was playing soccer with Bri and the kids. This wasn’t some backyard soccer game; it was a real game on real turf against real pros. We were all in professional uniforms, and we knew what we were doing. However, we couldn’t keep up with the other team. After all, Bella against David Beckham? Unless she can distract him with her cuteness, she’s getting nowhere.

Anyway, we played and we tried and we fell and we were bloodied and bruised. All of us.

Joys are Coming

“Joys are always on the way to us.
They are always traveling to us through the darkness of the night.
There is never a night when they are not coming.”
(~Amy Carmichael)

Joys are coming.

I am clinging to this these days. My heart is spinning faster than my head, and it seems at every doctor’s appointment my head is spinning more and more. I’ve had appointments for genetic testing, eye ulcers, follow-ups, blood work, physical therapy, CAT scans and now two more tests loom, and I’m tired.

Sticky Notes

The sticky notes are all different colors–royal blue, goldenrod, bright orange–but they all say the same thing.

I love you, Mom, so so so so so so much.

They appear on my pillow, my mirror, my computer, and sometimes he just walks right up to me and sticks one on my shirt.

My Bear.

His gentle and peaceful ways touch my soul, and especially when my life and heart feel so chaotic these days, his tenderness is a much needed balm. He has no idea how he reaches me, and every time I see those dimples, my heart just about explodes.